I didn’t intend to leave blogging for this long. I’m sure most of you, myself included, thought “Oh, that blogging was just a fad thing! She’s done after three posts.” Too be honest, there was so much I wanted to write about and so much of it being emotional that I was putting it off. I want to give myself enough time to process everything before I sat down and shared it, but I realized that the more time I took to write down my experiences the more experiences was having.
I want to start with leaving my job. The last day of work was one of the toughest day of my life. This is huge considering I’ve experienced death, heartaches and other tough experiences, yet this was one of the worst. I loved my workplace. Of course, there were aspects I didn’t like, just like any job but overall I loved it. I made such deep rooted friendships there and felt at home. When I moved to Toronto, my co-workers were really the only friends I had to start off with so I became very close with a lot of people. I have shared laughs until I’ve cried, cried until I’ve laughed and had just so many valuable experiences there. The last day, saying goodbye to people and seeing how much you mean to them is overwhelming. I felt so loved and cared for by so many of my co-workers and felt like they were cheering me on as I started this next chapter.
Saying goodbye to my favourite boss (yes, come on we all have favourites. Those who know me know who he is, but he will remain nameless) was really hard. For most of the morning I couldn’t even go into his office without getting choked up. He called me in around lunch time and presented me with a huge bag. He got me a beautiful cashmere scarf to say thank you. It was so thoughtful and meant so much to me, however I felt like I should be the one thanking him. He had done so much for me in our time together that I felt blessed just to know him. I am so glad we still keep in touch.
After work a few of my close friends met for drinks, one last time. It was fun and we laughed and talked like it was just another day. I’m so glad we did that and that so many people came out to say goodbye. When the drinks were over, that was truly the hardest part. Walking to the subway knowing I was leaving Bay Street one last time. Knowing I would not be there on Monday, amongst the hustle and bustle. I wouldn’t be going to my favourite Shopper’s Drug Mart anymore. I wouldn’t be eating sushi from the little sushi place at the bottom of the escalator. All these little things you take for granted. They become just part of your daily routine, until they aren’t anymore and that is when you realize how much they meant to you.
I saved the hardest goodbye for last. Saying goodbye to one of my best friends was harder than I had imagined. I got on the subway and just cried. I didn’t care who saw me or what anyone thought. I was able to keep it together for the most part until I got out into the street and was walking home. I became so overwhelmed with the fact that nothing I knew was my reality anymore. My home would be changing, my city would be changing, at that moment I was officially unemployed. I actually started sobbing so hard I had to sit on a park bench until I could compose myself.
I can’t lie, I feed off dramatics. I tend to picture my life like a TV show or movie, so the fact that I was sitting alone, in the dark, on a park bench, bawling while listening to Bon Iver (and I think it was actually also raining) was so fitting. I let myself have that over the top moment, then I picked myself up and walked home and carried on because I knew my future was bright. I knew that the memories would last a lifetime, the friendships would override the distance and that the future, although scary, was exciting.