Letters is a new series on Just a Trace where I will be writing out my feelings to the people in my life via letters. Each post in the letters series will contain a new letter on a new topic, and although these thoughts and feelings come from me, don’t be surprised if you can relate.
Dear Friends Without Kids,
First off, thank you for being my friend. We probably haven’t seen each other much these days but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about you. I spend a lot of time being completely immobile because my child has fallen asleep on me so I have tons of time to catch up on your Facebook statuses, tweets and Instagram posts and I love it. I want you to know that I do my best to keep up with what’s going on with you. Just because I have a child doesn’t mean I care any less than before.
There’s a few things I want you to know:
I still want you to think I’m cool. Remember that time you came over to meet the baby? You told me I looked good. What you don’t know is that I spent the whole morning trying to squeeze myself into the one pair of jeans that kind of fit so that I resemble some form of the girl you used to know. I kept asking my husband if I looked okay and if he could see the bags under my eyes. I asked him if my outfit made me look like a mom (what does that even mean?) and when you came and told me I looked good I felt relief.
I don’t think what you’re doing is any less important than what I’m doing. One thing I kept hearing before I had the baby was how it was the most important thing I’d ever do in my life and the hardest job of all. I can’t tell you how many times I heard variations of these phrases and you know what, it bothered me and it still does. There is no denying that what I am doing is hard, and rewarding, and obviously it is incredibly important I keep my tiny human alive, but it implies that doing anything other than having children is less. I want you to know that while what I am doing and what you are doing are vastly different they both have their challenges, stresses, value and importance and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different.
Please keep inviting me to things. Thank you for inviting me to things even though you probably know I won’t come. I appreciate you still considering me a functioning member of society even though I wear leggings as pants and have stopped brushing my hair. Inviting me to things makes me feel relevant and remembered and even though most of the time I can’t come, it means the world to me to still be thought of as part of the squad.
Never stop telling me about the trivial things. Just because I have a baby doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hear about the same things you told me before. I am still me. I still love the same things. I still want to hear about your drunken escapades. I want photos of the amazing handbag you found on clearance. I want to hear you complain about work. I want to joke and just carry on like we used to. Frankly, I appreciate it when you text me and tell me some embarrassing thing that happened to you that day or when we just complain about random stuff. I am around a little human who can only communicate through piercing screams or gummy smiles, believe me I value and love our conversations.
I miss my old life. Making the choice to have a baby, I knew I wold be giving up a lot. While I love being a mom and I adore my daughter, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss my old life. I miss post-work drinks. I miss staying up as late as I want. I miss eating and drinking whatever I want and not having to worry if it will effect my breastmilk. Please don’t think I’ve forgotten my old life and embraced mommyhood. Just because I am a mom, doesn’t mean that is all I am and doesn’t mean there aren’t days when I want to trade places with you.
This too shall pass. There will be a day when my baby gets older and we’ll get to do some of the stuff we used to. I look forward to a year from now when maybe we can go away for a girls weekend or spend a night getting sloppy drunk in high heels and cute outfits. Please don’t forget about me. Even if you don’t hear from me for days, or don’t see me for months. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you. In fact, I am one of your biggest cheerleaders, even if my pom poms are now hidden somewhere under swaddle blankets, drool and Sophie the Giraffe.
A New Mom
Have an idea for a letter you want me to write or would you like to be a guest writer and share your own letter? Leave a comment below or email me at: Tracey@JustaTraceBlog.com. All guest submissions will have the option remain anonymous. Catch up on the entire Letters series here.