Will he like me? Do I look good enough? Do I feel desirable? These classic go-to questions seem to always buzz around in our heads when we’re on a new date. No matter how badly we want to flick away these flies of torment, and pretend they don’t exist, they always seem to creep up on our insecurities, feeding off our self-doubt. So, how can you banish these head bugs for good? The trick is changing the way you approach dating. The problem is that many women enter a dating situation with the hopes of impressing the guy and gaining his approval. Once you change this dynamic and realize your own power and worth, you can start feeling more secure on dates.

Let him work

Let your date work for your approval, instead of eagerly trying to win points with him. If you’re too desperate to earn his thumbs-up, he’ll feel like he has power over you. Doing the whole “choose me wiggle and dance” actually makes him lose interest because you’re doing all the chasing. This power shift makes you feel insecure and less desirable. So, the next time you find yourself on a date with a guy that you want to impress, try sitting back and inviting him to work for your affections. Let him ask you more questions or flirt to seek your stamp of approval.

Flip the script

 Ever been on a date with guys who think it’s charming to be cocky? These are the ones who always mention their good-looking ex or brag about how picky they are about women, only to put themselves on a pedestal…gag! It’s imperative to avoid these duds, but if you’re ever caught with one, you should learn to dodge all their hot air.

For example, he makes an arrogant comment about how he rarely agrees to go on dates. Instead sacrificing your security by wondering how you measure up to his standards, you should come back with a witty remark about how you hope he’s not too out of practice. Ultimately, when you flip the script on him, you avoid fluffing his ego and risking yours.

Know your value

Knowing your value is an important part of feeling confident on dates. If you truly believe in yourself, he’ll be more likely to invest in you. It’s simply a matter of attracting energies—people appear more desirable when they demonstrate self-belief; they transmit a positive aura that attracts others like a magnet.

In order to create this experience, you should date with the understanding that you’re a prize who deserves to be appreciated. Don’t be afraid to openly show this attitude, making him see your self-love. Through this approach, you’re creating the understanding that you’re someone who should be pursued. Ultimately, whether he ends up wanting you or not, you should always date with your head held high.

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Be proud of your goals

Always hold onto your dating goals with pride. Many women shy away from admitting that they hope to find a relationship, love and commitment because they’re worried about scaring off the guy. This dating myth was developed by frightened women with bad dating experience, who have spread these tales, preventing other women from confidently pursuing their happiness.

So, heed these words: if a guy rejects you because you seek a real relationship, he isn’t worth dating and the blame is with him, not with you. Never apologize or feel bad for wanting the love, marriage and the whole shebang. And never feel less secure about your dating goals because he doesn’t share them.

Try other dating apps

If your current dating apps is filled with late night sex mongering and shallow opening lines, maybe it’s time to try something new. There’s a whole store of guys out there who aren’t jerks and won’t leave you feeling lousy. Apps like POF and Tinder are known for quick hookups, while apps like Match or WhoWinkedMe are great for people searching for the real thing. Whatever you’re searching for, make sure your app is bringing you the right results.

Written by Rachel
Rachel is a lifestyle writer based in Toronto and known for her spicy articles on nightlife, dating and fashion. Her articles have been featured in publications such as "Women's Post" and "She Knows."