Most of my first dates were over drinks, the alcoholic kind. In theory, it’s a great idea. A table nestled in the corner of a pub, a beer in hand and some great conversation. It’s the perfect way to get to know someone, plus the alcohol takes the edge off a bit. However, there are two things to note when it comes to beer and first dates for me. I tend to talk a lot when I’m nervous. I also tend to get a dry mouth from talking so much that I guzzle the first beer quickly, resulting in my date ordering me a refill. Oh, and did I mention I get drunk off one beer?
Needless to say, I spent most of my first dates half in the bag. The good part was that only I knew it (I think). Most of the guys just thought I was fun and bubbly and liked to laugh. Yet, there I was, drinking beer after beer on an empty stomach while trying not to laugh too much, talk to loud or stumble out of the bar.
I’d spent most of the time after the date, drunkenly navigating my way to the nearest subway station while simultaneously drunk texting Catherine to let her know I wasn’t kidnapped.
We all know that I went on a lot of first dates. This meant that I spent the majority of my week drunk. It also meant that there wasn’t much time to get my errands done. This is how I ended up drunk shopping at Forever 21.
It was around 7:30 p.m. on a Thursday night and I was just wrapping up a pretty awful first date at the Jack Astor’s in downtown Toronto. I had a date the next night (this was a second date with a different guy, which would be followed by a third date with my (now) husband on the day after that…man, I was busy) and was running out of cute date outfits. I think I had three beers on this date, which meant I was quick drunk. I was never one to let anything get in the way of me getting stuff done, so I said goodbye to my date and trekked to the Eaton Centre’s giant Forever 21.
The idea of going to Forever 21 while drunk and actually doing it are two separate things all together. You walk into an ultra bright store, music blaring and try to navigate around tween girls while playing the game, “Is this ugly or fashionable?” Sometimes its hard to play this game on a good day, and you leave F21 with some hideous shirt that is meant for someone five years younger than you and have to shamelessly return it days later. So, drunk me, trying to find myself appropriate date wear was not doing so well.
I realized that Forever 21 is not the place to be when you’re three beers deep on a Thursday night. I decided to text Catherine, the only person I knew would not judge me for what my life had become, to tell her my current dilemma. This is the actual conversation from the night I was drunk in Forever 21, cursing removed for any sensitive readers:
I never did find anything to wear for my dates. I had to throw in the towel because drunk shopping at Forever 21 is too hard, even for me. I don’t think my dates cared that I didn’t have the latest, shiniest new fashions on those dates. I mean, one of them did marry me after all. Thankfully, that third date with my husband went so well I decided to say goodbye to the other guys I was seeing at the time. I didn’t have to worry about drunken Thursday nights at the mall and now I live to tell the cautionary tale of what happens when you try to drunk shop at Forever 21.
What’s the weirdest place you’ve been drunk?