This is the second instalment in my Letters series. Ottawa Correspondent, Sarah has taken over the series this week in her brutally honest letter about her body. Missed the last letter? Read it here.
Dear Everyone I Know,
Stop telling me its just a phase.
A few years ago I noticed something was wrong with me. I started taking birth control, mostly because my friends were taking it and I wanted to as well. At the time, I was a crazy Christian teenager, who was going to college for the first time. Eventually I would end up forgetting to take them, or giving them to my best friend because my parents had insurance and hers didn’t. I wasn’t having sex, so it really didn’t bother me.
I stopped taking them completely about 6 years ago, and my periods stopped completely. I didn’t think a whole lot of it, because what girl doesn’t want to live their life without bleeding every month?! It wasn’t until I got into a serious relationship that I realized things were going really wrong with my body.
Sex for me is impossible. Without diving into details, it is the most painful, failing attempt every time. I have seen 3, 4, 50 different doctors who have poked, prodded and tested me, over and over again trying to figure out what is going on in my body. My family doctor says the same thing every time that lingers in my ear “unless you want kids, I wouldn’t be worried.”
I’m pretty sure I don’t want kids, but I’m starting to get worried.
I’m 28, and obviously the greater population of females I know are having children now, which makes for really awkward coffee dates when, “So when are you going to have kids?” comes up.
I don’t want to dive into the whole “don’t bleed, cant have sex” talk, so I always tell people I don’t want to have kids.
There seems to be a stigma regarding 20-something women who don’t want to have children. People give you a sad, sympathetic look and then say “Oh, well thats just a phase!”
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure I would want kids even if I knew if I could. I have 2 nephews and 3 nieces, all under the age of 12. I’ve seen the struggles my siblings have had and I don’t think that is something I want, at least right now. Maybe it is a phase, and I am very concerned about my health, but I am so content being 28, living in my little house with my partner (who is so loving and understanding) spending my money on things that I don’t need. I might even be a little immature, but I don’t think I could even raise a child – at least right now.
When someone tells you they don’t want kids, don’t pity them. Don’t tell them its a phase, and that their thoughts will change when they “see their new baby for the first time” Maybe its their morals, maybe they truly do not want kids, but maybe there is something deeper.
Have an idea for a letter you want me to write or would you like to be a guest writer and share your own letter? Leave a comment below or email me at: Tracey@JustaTraceBlog.com. All guest submissions have the choice to remain anonymous.