Thursday, February 6, 2014

Cat's Adventures in Dating: Hi, I have a name!

I am a happy, optimistic person but there are a few things that I don’t like. Two of these things are pet names and confrontation. On the surface these might seem completely different, but I once spent four months dealing with one and avoiding the other. As a result, I now cringe every time a guy calls me babes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love and appreciate a good, timely use of pet names. Really, nothing makes my heart smile more than a “Hi sweetie” text message or a “Having dinner with my honey” Facebook status. But once, during a time long, long ago (2011), I spent four months dating a guy who, to this day, I am convinced did not know my name. In retrospect, there were numerous warning flags that this guy, P, was less than a winner but I had just gone on a series of serial dates and was ready to settle down with just one.

“Hey Babes, hope you have a great day,” showed up on my cell phone screen one morning after our third date. I smiled and thought, “Aww he’s thinking of me”.  “Where do you want to go for dinner this week Babes?” was the message later on that day.  After a day of back and forth messages, the goodnight text read, “Night Babes, sweet dreams”. Have you ever seen that movie called Groundhog Day where Bill Murray wakes up and experiences the exact same day over and over again? My four month stint with P was like Groundhog Day. Every single morning, at the same time, the “Hey Babes, hope you have a great day” message showed up, and every night at the same time, P wished me “Night Babes, sweet dreams”. This is not an exaggeration. Not only were all the messages delivered on schedule each day, but my name was never used. I was always Babes, Beautiful, and once I was even “Rockstar”. Yes, he called me Rockstar.  At this point, many people would jump ship and abort this dating mission but not Beautiful Babes here, nope. I allowed myself to be called nothing but Babes for four whole months. I guess I liked that someone was pet naming me, no matter how weird it was.

Eventually, I remembered that I did in fact have a real name, and that I deserved to have that name used. Each “Babes” would tick me off more and more until one day I sent him a text saying, “Hey, I think we need to talk”….and I never heard from him again….thank goodness. While possibly grounded in nothing but pure contempt, I eventually decided that he was likely seeing many other girls. The scheduled messages were probably mass group texts he sent to all his girls and Babes was a generic way to make sure no names were confused. At the end of it all though, I wasn't into it and neither was he so his never texting me back turned into a good way for me to avoid having the confrontation I was dreading.


I learned something valuable while with him; to speak up if I have a problem and to never let my real, legal identity get lost in the shuffle. I like my name, and I like the respect that comes along with someone using my name. I did not like being a generic pet name to someone who, I maintain, couldn't bother to use my real one and I deserved better. A few months after we stopped speaking, a mysterious number popped up with a text message saying “Happy International Women’s Day, Babes”. I didn't even need to ask who it was.

*Note: He wasn't the only guilty party.  I didn't know his last name for over a month until I snooped through the mail on his kitchen counter one night.  

34 comments:

  1. Omg, that is such a crazy story! Did you two actually hang out often or was it mostly texting? I don't understand how you can't know someone's name. I've never really dated around though. When I'm single, I don't really date until I meet that one person that is super special and then that has always just turned into a relationship. How did you two meet? I want to know more!! haha

    xo Megan, Lush to Blush

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    1. We Went on dates! like real legit dates! we met online, on Match.com!

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  2. Wow. My husband calls me Honey all the time, but he certainly knows my name. Good for you for moving on and recognizing your own value.

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  3. yikes. how did you even meet without knowing each other's names?!

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    1. Match.com, so we technically knew first names, and his last name was kind of long so i knew it on our first date but forgot. We both majorly dropped the ball!

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  4. Man you have had some doozie dates, I'm glad that I'm married and don't live around you because dang the men need a reality check or something. I can't wait to hear the next one ;)

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  5. I am terrible about calling people by name. I once reminded myself of this and called a guy i'd been seeing for months by his name. he was so shocked and even commented that he thought i didn't know his name. though there are many case where it is true i DONT know their name....sad i know

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  6. Too funny - he totally didn't know your name. My friend went though something similar recently. She was dating a guy who, for some odd reason, would not give her his last name. They met online and she literally had to snoop to get his last name and then when she did a background search- she found out why. He was a male "escort"

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  7. He probably didn't oh wow. I am no good with names myself lol I have people tell me a name and I forget and I am too afraid to ask

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  8. Oh my at the mass texts! I can't even imagine trying to pull off something like that with a partner..

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  9. hahaha ooh my gosh, this is so ridiculous--I'm so glad you dumped him!
    Haha on the plus side, you have a great writing style and I loved reading it! xx

    <(") Hoda
    JooJoo Azad ~ Free Bird

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  10. Just the other day I told my husband, "I don't think you ever use my real name unless you're trying to get my attention in a crowd". I'm thinking back now to when we dated and I honestly don't remember when he started calling me 'Babe' instead of my name. Knowing how hard he was to pin down - I'm guessing it would have been a great indicator of his intentions if I'd actually paid attention. Hindsight!

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  11. i love these dating stories! although i'm sure they were tough when you were in the situation but they're pretty hilarious when you look back, right?

    i dated a guy who was so cheap, he wanted to go dutch when we went out for coffee. coffee was like, $1.50 at the most -- WTF?!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  12. Wow, your dating adventures really ARE adventures! To be frank it makes me realllllly happy I'm not in the dating world any more!

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  13. i have to say, in all honesty, it's a lot worse not knowing a FIRST name than a last!! for real!

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  14. I have an ex who would always give me awful nicknames. I was so happy to never have to hear them again when I called off our engagement. :)

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  15. Wow Babes, sounds like he was quite the winner. Makes me happy to not be dating!

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  16. This is hilarious. I know some people that really really want to have pet names!

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  17. Ok, that last little comment about you not knowing his last name until snooping made me bust out laughing. I think you're better off without him, Babes.

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  18. Okay, Babes, it sounds like this was NOT the guy for you. LOL! Ah, I seriously do not miss the dating world but I do miss having the crazy stories to tell my friends!

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  19. LOL at Liz's comment! My mom dated a boy in high school who called her dad, 'pops!' My family used to call him pops as a joke even when I was born many, many years later. :)

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  20. Ok, that's too funny! I couldn't even imagine!

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  21. Babes, this is a great blog post. Just kidding!! Seriously though a good thing he didn't text you back, probably a sign of something shady at the very least.

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  22. Wow, what a story!!! That is too funny though. I don't mind pet names, except KID, I dated this one guy who always called me KID and it drove me bonkers. I was only a couple years younger than him, I wasn't a kid. Just sounded so weird to me.

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  23. Oh honey, what a jerk. Sweetie, you are better without him. Boo, you will find someone worthy of you one day. Haha, could not resist. My daughter is the same we. She told the little boy (they are 16 and 17) that she has a name it is Becca and he may use it.

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  24. What a riot! I love your attitude about it and I guess the valuable lesson is learned... Way too funny and crazy fr me.
    Eliz

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  25. I have never heard something so crazy! This is a nutty story but kind of funny. You have a good attitude about it though. Good luck in the future!

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  26. Sounds like this one's a keeper (the story, that is. Not the actual guy. Ha!)

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  27. My husband probably uses pet names way too much. But, he does know my name! It sounded like P had texts scheduled somehow, as if you weren't even worth an original text. So glad he's gone!

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  28. I don't mean to laugh but this story is too funny. I do believe in that mass text thing though, it just might be true. I'm really enjoying reading your stories. You should pen a book about all your dating adventures. :)

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  29. Love, love love this story. My husband and I call each other babe, and this made me laugh....the funny thing is when he calls me by my name I know something is wrong...that's how much we use babe.

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  30. That would make me so upset!! I'm glad you didn't let him stick around too long!

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  31. Lol! When my husband and I first started dating, he either didn't use a name or used a pet name so much I finally just burst out "Do you even know my name?!" and he said "yeah, it's paige nicole (maiden name). Do you know mine?" and I knew he first name and his last name but not his middle name. I guess he showed me!

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  32. Ha! It's funny because my husband and I call each other babe. Now that I think about it, what is my name? Hmmm--lol

    JK-- I agree with you-- it's good to stick up for yourself in the beginning-- he did seem like he was jerk and was probably texting multiple girls at a time--yuck!

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